A Field Guide to Narcissism - FPC sermon excerpt
“Vanity of vanities! All is vanity” (Ecclesiastes 1:2).
The author of Ecclesiastes is convinced that the whole of human existence can be described by this single word: Vanity.
The writer of this book is called the Teacher. He takes a cold-eyed look at the world, and he is certainly not the philosopher to turn to if you need some cheering up. “All is vanity,” he insists. All is worthless, meaningless, absurd. As solid as vapor, fog, and steam. The Teacher surveys society and spots pride in human appearance and accomplishments. He looks around and sees narcissism — excessive self-love and admiration.
Our world has a vanity problem, according to the Teacher. And it is only getting worse.
- There’s the groom who won’t let his bride’s overweight friend be a bridesmaid because he doesn’t want her to mess up the wedding pictures.
- The woman who has such confidence in her impeccable taste that she routinely redecorates her daughter’s home. Without asking.
- The guy who thinks that he is so handsome that he takes a self-portrait every night before bed, just to preserve the moment.
- The parents who believe that their children are so gifted and talented that it would be a supreme injustice for them to be denied the chance to attend the elite university of their choice.
- Then there’s business tycoon Ted Turner, who once said, “If I only had a little humility, I’d be perfect.”
Vanity of vanities! All is vanity.
According to Psychology Today (January 1, 2006), narcissism can range from an annoying tendency to a serious clinical disorder. I’m not just talking about people who imitate the character Narcissus — the handsome young man of Greek mythology who gazed forever at his own reflection in a pool of water. People with this kind of vanity are pathetic, but basically harmless.
No, real-life narcissists desperately need other people to validate their own worth. They are the reality show contestants who want to be famous for being famous, and will do anything to get on TV. The parents of the “balloon boy,” who involve their child in a dangerous stunt to draw attention to themselves. The White House party-crashers who slip through a crack in security and then post their exploits on Facebook.
“It’s not so much being liked,” says a social psychologist at Florida State University. “It’s much more important to be admired. Studies have shown narcissists are willing to sacrifice being liked if they think it’s necessary to be admired.”
This craving for admiration is a red flag, one of the clearest warning signs of narcissism. It pops up in weddings, in home decorations, in cosmetic surgery, in college admissions. I know I have a touch of narcissism, wanting to be admired for my preaching and writing and parenting and triathlon training. But I don’t like it — I know how dangerous it can be. So how can we spot this tendency in ourselves and in the people around us? And what can we do about it?
We can begin by looking at the Book of Ecclesiastes as a field guide to narcissism.
The Teacher of Ecclesiastes begins by using his mind “to seek and to search out by wisdom all that is done under heaven” (1:13). He examines all the human deeds that are done under the sun, and what does he conclude? “All is vanity and a chasing after wind. What is crooked cannot be made straight, and what is lacking cannot be counted” (vv. 14-15).
At first glance, this seems to be a completely depressing picture of human life. It is hard to accept that the Teacher believes that absolutely everything is meaningless, and that nothing that is crooked can be made straight. But remember, the first characteristic of true narcissists is that they need to be admired. They win a trophy in an office sports competition, and show it off for months. They cover their walls with awards and plaques and pictures of them shaking hands with famous people. The balloon of their self-esteem is punctured by the Teacher’s assertion that “all is vanity and a chasing after wind.”
The Teacher is saying that we cannot get our self-worth from our accomplishments. We shouldn’t be admired for our deeds. Instead, our worth comes completely from being children of God. And that means that we are all equal in the eyes of the Lord. Every single one of us.
Narcissists hate that!
The author of Ecclesiastes is convinced that the whole of human existence can be described by this single word: Vanity.
The writer of this book is called the Teacher. He takes a cold-eyed look at the world, and he is certainly not the philosopher to turn to if you need some cheering up. “All is vanity,” he insists. All is worthless, meaningless, absurd. As solid as vapor, fog, and steam. The Teacher surveys society and spots pride in human appearance and accomplishments. He looks around and sees narcissism — excessive self-love and admiration.
Our world has a vanity problem, according to the Teacher. And it is only getting worse.
- There’s the groom who won’t let his bride’s overweight friend be a bridesmaid because he doesn’t want her to mess up the wedding pictures.
- The woman who has such confidence in her impeccable taste that she routinely redecorates her daughter’s home. Without asking.
- The guy who thinks that he is so handsome that he takes a self-portrait every night before bed, just to preserve the moment.
- The parents who believe that their children are so gifted and talented that it would be a supreme injustice for them to be denied the chance to attend the elite university of their choice.
- Then there’s business tycoon Ted Turner, who once said, “If I only had a little humility, I’d be perfect.”
Vanity of vanities! All is vanity.
According to Psychology Today (January 1, 2006), narcissism can range from an annoying tendency to a serious clinical disorder. I’m not just talking about people who imitate the character Narcissus — the handsome young man of Greek mythology who gazed forever at his own reflection in a pool of water. People with this kind of vanity are pathetic, but basically harmless.
No, real-life narcissists desperately need other people to validate their own worth. They are the reality show contestants who want to be famous for being famous, and will do anything to get on TV. The parents of the “balloon boy,” who involve their child in a dangerous stunt to draw attention to themselves. The White House party-crashers who slip through a crack in security and then post their exploits on Facebook.
“It’s not so much being liked,” says a social psychologist at Florida State University. “It’s much more important to be admired. Studies have shown narcissists are willing to sacrifice being liked if they think it’s necessary to be admired.”
This craving for admiration is a red flag, one of the clearest warning signs of narcissism. It pops up in weddings, in home decorations, in cosmetic surgery, in college admissions. I know I have a touch of narcissism, wanting to be admired for my preaching and writing and parenting and triathlon training. But I don’t like it — I know how dangerous it can be. So how can we spot this tendency in ourselves and in the people around us? And what can we do about it?
We can begin by looking at the Book of Ecclesiastes as a field guide to narcissism.
The Teacher of Ecclesiastes begins by using his mind “to seek and to search out by wisdom all that is done under heaven” (1:13). He examines all the human deeds that are done under the sun, and what does he conclude? “All is vanity and a chasing after wind. What is crooked cannot be made straight, and what is lacking cannot be counted” (vv. 14-15).
At first glance, this seems to be a completely depressing picture of human life. It is hard to accept that the Teacher believes that absolutely everything is meaningless, and that nothing that is crooked can be made straight. But remember, the first characteristic of true narcissists is that they need to be admired. They win a trophy in an office sports competition, and show it off for months. They cover their walls with awards and plaques and pictures of them shaking hands with famous people. The balloon of their self-esteem is punctured by the Teacher’s assertion that “all is vanity and a chasing after wind.”
The Teacher is saying that we cannot get our self-worth from our accomplishments. We shouldn’t be admired for our deeds. Instead, our worth comes completely from being children of God. And that means that we are all equal in the eyes of the Lord. Every single one of us.
Narcissists hate that!
posted by Henry Brinton | 8:46 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home