Wedding days are losing their way -- USA TODAY, October 31, 2011

Magazines and websites love to trot out the latest wedding trends, suchas "vintage touches," "eco-friendliness" and "good night stations." But these are all about style, not substance.

As a pastor, the trends that interest me most involve the sharp decline of marriage in the USA and the rise in non-clergy-officiated weddings.

These are the changes that matter, rather than the modern substitution of cupcakes for a wedding cake. The dropping number of marriages and changing face of officiants will shape the lives of American couples — and their children — for decades to come. These shifts merit some thought as we wrap up this year's wedding season, which runs May through October and typically covers 70% of all ceremonies.

Fifty years ago, about three-quarters of American adults 18 and older were married. Today, about half are. Nearly 40% of respondents to a Pew Research Center survey last year said marriage is becoming obsolete. If you think this is just demographic background noise with no real consequence, think again. This shift ultimately will harm kids because children in married family households are far less likely to live in poverty than those in single-parent households.

There are myriad reasons for the disintegration of American marriages, and I don't have a one-size-fits-all fix, but I do know that just as with a building, little is more important than its foundation. So a marriage's starting point — the wedding day — should be more than just cake and cocktails.

Who ties your knot

A recent survey by TheKnot.com and WeddingChannel.com revealed that almost one in three of their website users who married last year chose a family member or friend to officiate at their ceremony. Since many Americans are not currently part of a religious congregation, it's not surprising that acquaintances are filling in the gaps. This certainly fits my experience over 25 years in the ministry.

When I started out in the mid-1980s, I performed seven or eight weddings a year. Now I'm doing five or six. And while I'm not upset about the additional free Saturdays, I do worry that something important is lost when couples either forgo the formal ceremony or have a family member or friend lead the service.

Why does this matter? Well, relationships are hard to hold together, and a wedding creates a sense of unity not just with the bride and groom but for those in attendance, too. Those who gather to watch a couple make their vows often are the ones who, years later, support a marriage in good times and in bad.

In addition, a measure of accountability comes from making these promises in a public ceremony. Think about it: If you make a private commitment to a person, you can break up by explaining your change of heart to that person alone. But if you make a public marriage promise and later choose to break that vow, you have to justify yourself to parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, childhood friends, college buddies and everyone else who has witnessed your wedding. Some of the glue that holds a marriage together comes from the extended community that not only offers support but also demands accountability.

The trend toward having family members or friends officiate certainly has value, as it personalizes the service. But I am concerned when weddings focus more on love than on promises, which is the natural course to take when officiating for relatives or friends. In the quest to personalize a service, non-clergy officiants are naturally going to focus more on the story of the couple than on the tradition of marriage.

I've done this myself.

When I performed the wedding of two high school friends in 1989, I talked personally about the ways we had changed since we were teenagers, including our ability to love. "Love could be used as a tool or as a status symbol in those days," I said in my sermon. "But now your love is a free gift; the love which seeks first the welfare of the other person."

Good thoughts, but what I failed to note is that marriage is an institution, something far bigger than the love story of two individuals. A Christian wedding is referred to as "the covenant of marriage" because it creates a promise-based relationship, and most clergy can be counted on to keep this tradition alive.

Another benefit of a clergy-led service is that a pastor is free to challenge the couple, noting what a marriage demands of the two individuals. It's not all sunshine and butterflies, after all. Sure, a minister will highlight the beauty of this institution, but he or she can also talk about the responsibilities, the sacrifices and the requirements of this covenant. It's unlikely that a friend or family member chosen to lead this occasion is going to want to "preach" to the happy couple, for fear of crossing a line reserved for a pastor. So we're back to the love story, not marriage, the institution.

Enduring vows

In Washington, D.C., the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception hosted a special service in June for couples who had been married more than 25 years. Victor and Marguerite Dawson attended, having met at a homecoming dance in 1944. As their story was told in The Washington Post, it was love at first sight — at least for Victor, who went home that night and told his mother, "I met the woman I'm going to marry."

They now have five daughters, 19 grandchildren and 19 great-grandchildren, and their marriage of 63 years is steady as a grand oak.

"He's been a good, faithful husband," said Marguerite.

Such faithfulness certainly includes love, but it is grounded more securely in the vows they have made and kept.

With no disrespect to the 43% of Americans who are single (a percentage reflected in my congregation), the time has come to honor the institution of marriage. To really value it. Despite shifting mores and changing times, this promise-based tradition still has currency in 2011. Indeed, marriage helps adults, and it helps children.

Not only does a two-parent household have considerable advantages in sharing the load (and joy, of course) of raising children, but it's also a clear matter of economics — no small matter in creating a healthy family atmosphere. According to a recent Census report, nearly 40% of single-parent households were under the poverty line in 2010, compared with just 10% of married family households.

The importance of marriage to children — in terms of emotional and economic security — is something that can be affirmed by conservatives and liberals alike.

Even with a 50-year drop in marriage rates, two-thirds of Americans are upbeat about the future of marriage and family, according to the Pew Research Center, and 46% of unmarried Americans say they want to get married. Even gays and lesbians want to enter this deeply conservative tradition, as the marriage equality movement makes inroads state by state.

The promise of marriage remains strong, and I believe we can strengthen this institution — and that of the family — by remembering that "I do" is only the beginning of the journey, not the end.

Henry G. Brinton is pastor of Fairfax Presbyterian Church in Virginia, and author of Balancing Acts: Obligation, Liberation, and Contemporary Christian Conflicts.

All Things New -- FPC sermon excerpt

I have stood before grieving families many times. Usually they are seated in the front row of the church, with flowers near the pulpit and the casket in the center of the sanctuary.

After a few Scripture lessons are read, I will say, “God loves us so much that he does not want our existence to end with the death of our bodies. No, he wants our lives to continue in his everlasting kingdom, that place where there is neither illness nor crying, pain nor dying.

“‘Look! I’m making all things new,’ says the Lord of all creation (Revelation 21:5). God is working to bring us all to a better place, where we can be closer to him, and to one another, free from anything that can hurt or divide us.”

I often use the Book of Revelation at funerals, because it is a source of tremendous comfort and hope in a time of grief. Now this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, given the disturbing images of chaos and conflict that we have encountered during this sermon series on Revelation.

But this book ends on a high note — a promise of divine restoration, in which everything is made new and trouble-free. Revelation assures us that God is creating a new heaven and a new earth, free from the agonies of this life. We have a future that looks radically different from the present — nothing less than the restoration of the Garden of Eden!

So how do we get from chaos and conflict to a happy ending?

Chapter 19 begins with the sound of a huge crowd in heaven celebrating the power of God and the punishment of “the great prostitute,” the city of Rome (19:2). You remember her from last week, don’t you? The city of Rome exploited both people and resources throughout the Roman Empire, and the residents of heaven are now rejoicing in the destruction of the city.

Then heaven opens, and the author of Revelation sees Jesus on a white horse (19:11). Jesus appears as a Divine Warrior — judging fairly and making wars justly, while bearing the names “Faithful and True” (19:11). His eyes are like “a fiery flame,” he wears crowns and a robe dyed with the blood of his death on the cross, and his name is called “the Word of God” (19:12-13). Following him on white horses are the angelic armies of heaven.

The Roman beast, the kings of the earth, and their armies gather to make war against Christ and his army. But the beast and his false prophet are thrown alive into the fiery lake that burns with sulfur, and the rest are “killed by the sword that comes from the mouth of the rider on the horse,” leaving their bodies to be eaten by the birds (19:20-21).

Another angel comes down from heaven, “holding in his hand the key to the abyss and a huge chain” (20:1). He seizes “the dragon, the old snake, who is the devil and Satan,” and binds him for a thousand years. Satan is thrown into the abyss, which is then locked and sealed over so that Satan cannot continue to deceive the nations (20:2-3). “After this,” says John, the author of Revelation, “he must be released for a little while” (20:3).

Does this seem odd to you? Why is Satan given another chance by God? Why not destroy him immediately? I think that this time of captivity is a reminder to us that Satan is one of God’s creatures. He is a fallen angel, not a divine being who is equal to God. Satan is confined to show us that God is in control.

Also, when Satan is released, he is given a second chance by a merciful and compassionate God. God actually gives Satan a chance to repent and change his ways. But Satan fails the test. After a thousand years, he is released from prison and immediately begins to deceive the nations. Then God throws him into the lake of fire and sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet reside (20:7-10). The old snake is finally crushed — the ultimate evildoer is brought to justice.

Then John sees “a great white throne and the one who is seated on it” (20:11). Dead people stand before the throne and a number of scrolls are opened, including “the scroll of life.” People are judged by what they have done, in an act of final judgment (20:13). Then Death itself is thrown into the fiery lake, along with anyone whose name isn’t in the scroll of life (20:14-15).

After the dead are judged, the scene shifts and John says, “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth,” he says; “for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more” (21:1). Many years earlier, God had revealed this vision through the prophet Isaiah, saying, “Look! I’m creating a new heaven and a new earth: past events won’t be remembered; they won’t come to mind” (Isaiah 65:17).

This new creation is one in which the past is forgotten, and the future endures forever. Even the sea, described earlier in Revelation as the home of the beast and a symbol of watery chaos, is “no more” (21:1).

John sees “the holy city, the New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband” (21:2). This holy city can be seen as the church, the bride of Christ, but even more importantly as the beautiful place where God and humans will live together eternally.

The voice of God speaks from the throne, “See, the home of God is among mortals. He will dwell with them; they will be his peoples, and God himself will be with them” (21:3). These words are the language of covenant, the words of promise-based relationships. They update the covenant first established between God and Abraham (Genesis 17:7), one that was reaffirmed through the prophet Ezekiel, “My dwelling will be with them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people” (Ezekiel 37:27).

After long years of struggle — with humans frequently breaking their covenant with God — the promise is made that God “will wipe every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more, for the first things have passed away” (21:4). The promise of Revelation is that the covenant will be renewed, for all eternity.

Loose and Extravagant Ways -- FPC sermon excerpt

Dave Ramsey, the popular host of a radio show on financial topics, says, “We buy things we don’t even need with money we don’t even have to impress people we don’t even know.”

He is absolutely right. We Americans are attracted to large houses, luxury cars, and the latest electronics, which we purchase with jumbo mortgages, auto loans, and ever-increasing credit card debt.

Although we think that such material goods will make us happy, we quickly discover that the opposite is true. Luxury items do not provide lasting satisfaction, debt increases our anxiety, and the people we want to impress remain distant from us. No matter how much money we have, we always believe that just a little more will bring us happiness and security.

This is so true. No matter how much money I make, I always think that another $10,000 a year will be enough to make me truly comfortable. But you know what? It never is.

God knows the seductive power of worldly wealth, which is why Revelation contains two chapters on the danger of materialism — in the ancient world and today. In chapters 17 and 18, John sees a vision of an attractive woman named Babylon, who represents the most harmful aspects of the global economy. Her way is tempting and attractive, but it leads to destruction. God’s way is the path that leads to life.

The Dave Ramsey Show is promoted with the tagline, “It’s about your life and your money.” The same could be said about these chapters of Revelation.

At the time of John’s vision, the city of Rome is a powerful center of commerce which has grown wealthy from the labor of people throughout the empire. Although Rome seems invincible, John knows that worldly riches are transient, and that societies built on exploitation will fall. He believes that God will bring the empire down, in a collapse as dramatic as the Great Recession of 2008 was for us in the United States.

One of the seven angels with the seven bowls calls for John, saying, “I will show you the judgment of the great whore who is seated on many waters, with whom the kings of the earth have committed fornication, and with the wine of whose fornication the inhabitants of the earth have become drunk” (17:1-2).

The woman is the city of Rome, and the kings are the leaders of Asia Minor who have sided with the Roman Empire in its vast economic enterprises. God knows the attraction of power and wealth, and passes judgment on those who have been seduced by it. Rome is a “great whore,” says the angel, a prostitute who has slept with kings and intoxicated others.

John knows that the words of Jesus are correct: “You cannot serve God and wealth” (Matthew 6:24). The worship of God always competes with the worship of earthly riches, both in ancient Rome and in modern America. God’s judgment on the great prostitute is a warning to us about the danger of materialism.

God's Judgments are Just -- FPC sermon excerpt

The year 2011 marks the 150th anniversary of the beginning of the Civil War, which historian James Moorhead calls an “American apocalypse.” The war was seen as an apocalyptic struggle, with the Northern armies seeing themselves as fighting for the Lord on the chaotic field of Armageddon. The words of The Battle Hymn of the Republic proclaimed that the freeing of the slaves was holy work:

In the beauty of the lilies Christ was born across the sea,
With a glory in His bosom that transfigures you and me:
As He died to make men holy, let us die to make men free,
While God is marching on.

An accurate understanding of an apocalyptic book such as Revelation requires that you see God’s work from the perspective of an oppressed person, such as a slave during the Civil War. Otherwise, the wrath and the justice of God seem excessively harsh. But if you put yourself in the position of a slave in America, or a Christian in the Roman Empire, then God’s judgments make perfect sense.

Think of a situation in which you have suffered oppression — from individuals or institutions — and imagine how the wrath of God could be a welcome relief. From this perspective, times of chaos can be opportunities to witness God’s justice and pursue a God-blessed course.

As we move into the fourth of my sermons on Revelation, you will discover that the wrath of God is not meant to scare you. Instead, it is designed to reveal God’s passion for justice. Chapters 15 and 16 show that God cares for the suffering and the innocent, and is determined to hold oppressive people accountable. In these chapters, John is given visions of God’s mighty power, holiness, and judgment — a judgment that is always just.

Chapter 15 begins with John, the author of Revelation, seeing an awe-inspiring sign in heaven: “Seven angels with seven plagues, which are the last, for with them the wrath of God is ended. And I saw what appeared to be a sea of glass mixed with fire, and those who had conquered the beast … standing beside the sea of glass with harps of God in their hands” (15:1-2).

Have you ever wondered why cartoons of people in heaven have them holding harps? Well, here’s the answer: Revelation 15:2. The martyrs of God — people who gave their lives for the Christian faith — are “holding harps from God.”

The martyrs sing the song of Moses and the Lamb — a song of praise that God’s justice has been done (15:3-4). Their words are similar to the song that Moses sang after God’s triumph over the Egyptians (Exodus 15:1-18). Because signs of God’s power and justice did not end with Moses, but continued with Jesus Christ, the song is also “of the Lamb” (15:3). John senses that Jesus the Lamb is a new Moses, leading his people out of captivity into a new and better land.

The revelation of God’s justice is always greeted with joy by faithful people­­­­. Recall how African-Americans and others rejoiced when slavery was abolished by the Civil War, and then when segregation was outlawed by the Civil Rights movement. Even today, we praise God whenever a tyrant is overthrown, a corrupt corporation is punished, or a bad law is repealed.

After this song, John looks and sees that the temple in heaven is opened. He describes it as “the tent of witness” (15:5), like the portable sanctuary that the Israelites carried with them (Exodus 25-27). The temple is opened, and seven angels with plagues come out, clothed in linen with sashes (15:6) — similar to the linen and sashes worn by the priests of Israel (Exodus 39:29). John sees one of the four living creatures give the angels seven golden bowls “full of the wrath of God” (15:7). The anger of God is about to be released, bringing justice to the oppressed and punishment to the oppressors.

A strong connection is made here between Revelation and Exodus. Both books have a tent of witness, angels or priests in linen and sashes, and plagues that demonstrate God’s wrath. In Exodus, God’s anger is directed toward Pharaoh, and in Revelation it is aimed at Caesar. Both leaders have oppressed God’s people, and need to be brought to justice.

The plagues that come from the seven bowls remind us of what God did to the Egyptians as the Israelites were liberated. These supernatural acts are part of our sacred memory, reminding us that God is always at work to save the suffering and the innocent, while punishing their oppressors. It is no surprise that persecuted Christians throughout history have loved the Book of Revelation.

The Endurance of the Saints -- FPC sermon excerpt

In his series of books called The Chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis created a fantasy world to teach lessons about the Christian faith.

Narnia is a land full of obstacles and opportunities, battles and betrayals, dangers and deaths — just like our own. The future of Narnia is balanced on the lives of four children, boys and girls who must find inside themselves the courage and the faith to work alongside Aslan the lion.

Aslan is one of the best fictional representations of Jesus Christ. Although good and loving, Aslan is not a tame lion. He represents what the book of Revelation calls “the Lion of the tribe of Judah” (5:5), a powerful beast who calls on his followers to be brave and trusting as they face challenges together.

Both the visions of Revelation and the land of Narnia contain strange creatures, good and evil, who fight to control the future of the world. Evil is real in these accounts, and does fierce battle with goodness. These creatures make me wonder: In the middle of my own struggles, will I summon the courage to take a strong stand with God? When weakened by doubt and fear, will I find enough faith to resist the lure of the beasts that want to lead me astray?

After the last of the seven trumpets is blown in chapter 11, John looks to heaven and sees the first in a series of signs that are as dramatic as anything in The Chronicles of Narnia. He spots a woman “clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet, and on her head a crown of twelve stars” (12:1). She is pregnant and cries out in labor pains — like people in a time of judgment. In his letter to the Romans, Paul uses a similar image of childbirth to describe the painful birth of God’s new creation (8:22-23).

At this point, the Book of Revelation becomes like an R-rated horror movie. A great fiery dragon appears, “with seven heads and ten horns, and seven [royal crowns] on his heads” (12:3). The dragon is Satan, and he stands in front of the woman to devour her child when she gives birth. But a divine power intervenes, snatching the child up to God as soon as he is born — the child is “a son, a male child, who is to rule all the nations with a rod of iron” (12:5). The woman flees into the desert, where God has prepared a place for her.

A war breaks out in heaven, in which the archangel Michael and his angels fight the dragon. John describes the dragon as “that ancient serpent, who is called the Devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world” (12:9). Satan is thrown down to earth along with his angels, and it looks like this ejection is going to create trouble for the inhabitants of the earth.

Furious at his defeat in heaven, Satan stomps off to make war on all those who “keep the commandments of God and hold the testimony of Jesus” (12:17). It appears that the fighting between Satan and God’s people is going to escalate, as the dragon stands on the seashore and looks for an ally to emerge from the sea.